Winter into Spring

“The beautiful spring came; and when Nature resumes her loveliness, the human soul is apt to revive also.” -Harriet Ann Jacobs

It is already the middle of April. I can’t believe it. And I haven’t written in what feels like & sort of is, in for-ev-er. Needless to say, life has been insane. I feel like most people say that in any sort of season, but it truly has been a crazy ride.

So here I am, trying to get back on the horse. I feel like with April hitting, my heart is taking a turn with season. I feel like I am a flower still beneath the surface of the top layer of soil, tentative but ready to push through with my arms reaching skyward, my face turned toward the healing warmth of the sun. Ready to let it breath new life into my soul, my mind, my body, my heart. It’s been quite a season of winter, in so many ways, & I am aching with anticipation for the spring.

Not without the heaviness, not without the depth that the winter brings. I will carry it with me. Always.

It has pushed my roots so much deeper, so much farther down into the richness of who Christ is, how GOOD He ALWAYS is, how much I love Him & why. This winter season has tested me in more ways than I could ever imagine, but I am grateful. I am always grateful because gold only comes after the fire. I still think I’m in the fire, but I can see through to the end. After being ‘through so many things’ in my 31 years of life thus far, one beautiful thing I have learned is that I will make it. Keep my head up. Keep my heart clean. I will make it. AND IT’S SO MUCH BETTER BECAUSE OF IT. I am grateful for fire. I am grateful that when I get squeezed, (for the most part), what comes out of me is clean. And kind. And merciful. And trusting in the faithfulness of Jesus. Because HE IS GOOD. ALL THE TIME. In my rawness, He meets me. In my hurt & anger & ache, He meets me. He turns it into gold guys. He really does. I meet Him with my face on the floor in all of my human-ness & He’s there.

Going through fire shows you who you are.

I know who I am.

I choose mercy & forgiveness. I will choose love above all else any day of the week. Because that is Jesus. That is both justice & mercy. That is what the church, the body of Christ is called to do. To love well.

I want my legacy to be Jesus.

I want people to remember me simply as someone who loved well.

No mission statement, no written decree or code that I will save…. Blah blah.

Nope.

Just Jesus.

And so I sit here. My soul on fire as I can feel that glorious spring sunshine hitting the tops of my new leaves slowly pushing out of the soil. I’m grateful to be here.