On days that feel like a thousand years

“God already knows what we are made of, but perhaps He wants us to learn what we’re made of. I think that we would all agree that we learn more from our tough times than from our easy times.” -John Bytheway

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Wow.

Today has been another one of those days. This week has been weird. Two days ago was one that qualified as all sorts of bad stuff hitting the fan. The first part of the day was great & in the afternoon everything just broke loose. Including the skies. I was subbing a class at the end of the school day during which a supersized storm hit. We had to make sure we didn’t let students leave the room because of lightning strikes not far from campus & the torrential rain & hail that fell in a matter of 30 minutes was INSANITY. Further up the hill we had a tornado (A TORNADO!!) which is not something that happens in the sierra foothills, touch down & rip trees apart. It was just crazy & that was just the beginning of a nerve-fried rest of the day. On my way home I passed an accident that I could have been part of if I’d left the school 5 minutes earlier & then I passed a tow truck pulling a car up from a cliff that it had apparently gone over in the rain. Once I got home we found out that our house had FLOODED. Not throughout the entire downstairs, but all the way through the living room, entry way, closet & den. Basically across the whole front of the house we had a stream of water pouring in, soaking multiple rugs, my record collection, shoes, all the stuff in the closet, etc., etc., etc. There was a lovely 6 inch long earthworm that had managed to get swept into the house waiting to greet us along with the rest of the chaos. After that, it was just little thing after little thing, but when you are that fried from all of the “bigger” things, those things feel gargantuan. We hung up rugs in front of our brand new wood burning stove with industrial fans blowing on them & Cora almost stuck her fingers inside but Noah saw & stopped her right in the knick of time. No pun intended. After lots of other little things including our ear-piercing smoke alarm going off while I took our burned brussel sprouts out of the oven, we decided to just go outside. In doing so we let the girls puddle jump & play in the mud & piles of hail & in the process they became wet & cold & more upset. So we went inside in tears & headed up to read & go to bed. After everything, Noah & I both said it felt like we had just lived through a whole week, not just a few hours. Oh my goodness, if only it could have been a Friday.

With all that being said, I slept GREAT that night. Ha. I was so exhausted from the stress of those few hours. It gives you perspective on people who undergo stress like that as part of their jobs each & everyday. I applaud you, if that is your situation, because I could not handle it. I was NOT designed for high intensity.

Anyway, the next afternoon was WONDERFUL. It was a complete opposite experience of the day before. All of us were full of peace, tired, but full of peace. The girls both took extra long naps after doing really well during our school time in the morning. I was able to do a great workout, read my Bible, sip tea & watch Andy Griffith with Noah. We had a delicious & easy dinner & I even managed to make a few loaves of zucchini bread. The girls had their baths & we got to enjoy our nightly worship time as a family. It was a true gift after the day before.

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Today has been a bit more like Tuesday, but my nerves don’t feel raw yet. What I have realized as the last few days have unfolded is that life is nuts sometimes. It’s not always predictable or easy. But ultimately, it’s still our decision to pick which pair of glasses we are going to look through at the world around us & see it how it is, either with all the bad, or with the good thrown in too. What is wonderful in getting to look back & see the good things that come out of flooded houses & almost chopped off fingers. It makes you laugh (a little) & makes you grateful. I am grateful to know that the rest of our house didn’t flood, that Cora still has all of her fingers intact, that our smoke alarm works INCREDIBLY well, that we had food to eat & even burned brussel sprouts can taste good. I am grateful that we can go outside whenever we choose & that our girls can laugh & get soaking wet while puddle jumping & that we can walk down our lovely street with neighbors & chat about life. We REALLY are blessed friends. Truly.

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“Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” -Confucius

As for today, I am claiming that I WILL see the good. I will not let circumstances rob me of my joy. I will smile; I will laugh; I will rejoice. Because life is quite the ride & today I want to remember as one that I chose to conquer with hope & peace.

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If you are having one of those days or weeks, take heart. I’m right here too friend. And when in doubt, bake some zucchini bread & watch Andy Griffith. It DOES MAGIC. Remember it’s your choice which glasses you put on to see today with. Here’s to today!

“If we could all just laugh at ourselves, in hard times or good times, it would be an incredible world.” -Jena Malone

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Cheers,

Katie.

5 Years Cancer Free

“I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.” Psalm 27:13

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Highest praises!

There are endless words of gratitude that pour off of my lips straight from the deepest wells of my heart after each & every 6 month check up. But THIS one. 5 YEARS! You guys. 5 YEARS! That means so much. The recurrence rate drops significantly, my check ups go from twice a year to just once a year & it means I am halfway to a “full” recovery from my cancer journey. HOW RAD IS THAT?! HOW GOOD IS OUR GOD?! I am FILLED with thanks. Filled with praise. Thank you Lord.

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So much has happened in our lives in the last 5 years. We have LIVED. We have chosen to be intentional & make our lives valuable for the world around us & well as rewarding for our own joy. There is something weird to be said about going through a very near death experience & the way it highlights the extreme beauty of all areas in life. With that, it is easy (most mornings) to wake up & smell the roses, to notice the birds singing in the trees. 5 years in & I still feel BRAND NEW because I am healed! I am alive! As much as I don’t want a single person in the world to go through cancer, there is so much beauty that comes out of it. I AM GLAD it is part of my story, part of my journey. It has helped shape my outlook on life, given me scars to rejoice about as my little ones trace over them with their fingers, given me a testimony of healing & of the King’s hand in my adventure. It has reminded me again & again how fragile & therefore how special, how significant the gift of health & life really is.

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Not every day has been peachy, that’s for sure. We have continued to go through suffering & sadness as the years unfold, but who doesn’t? Suffering is a guaranteed part of being on earth. Even with that, our FOUNDATION is made up of joy. It is solid because of the Rock we stand on, the hope we have for this earth & for heaven & the peace we carry gets us through even the toughest of times. After shipwrecks we still end up on land guys. We brush ourselves off & get up with breath in our lungs!

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For today, I am choosing to focus on the beauty of being healed. Of having a healthy body & a happy heart. I am grateful to my Jesus, to my incredible team of doctors at Stanford Medical Center, to my mom & dad, to my husband. To everyone else in our family & community who walked through the fires with us for 6 months of chemotherapy treatments & homeopathic care leading up to that moment in time 5 years ago when I was declared cancer free. THAT, my friends, was a sweet sweet day. I couldn’t have done it without everyone who fought alongside me, without the prayers of people from across the globe, without strength from the Holy Spirit, without my own stubbornness & positive attitude. So thank you friends, thank you for being a part of my story! Today is a celebration for you as well! Go fist pump & jump around, go tell the world that there is GOODNESS on this earth, that HEALING still happens. That we are not forgotten, or insignificant, or just one of many. Each of our stories matters & I am so glad to say that today I am shouting my healing from the rooftops because it is GOOD TO REJOICE.

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Hooray for today, Hooray for 5 years ago, Hooray for 5 years from now.

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I am healed! I’ve got a river of life flowing out of me.

Thank you for joining in my celebration.

 

Cheers,

Katie.

A letter to my daughters

My sweet girls. I love you.

I woke up today & all I could think about is how grateful I am to be your Mama. My world is wonderful because you two make it so bright & bring me so much joy! I am grateful for the way I get to live my life because of you two. I get to be a Mama to two incredible human beings & even on the hard days I wouldn’t change a thing. We are meant to be!

Eliana Marie. I am SO proud of the girl you are growing up into! I can’t believe that you will be 4 soon. It is going by way too fast. I am honored to be your Mama & your name still rings true each & every day. YOU, sister, are the dream of my heart. You are the answer to my prayers. You are a literal dream come true for me! The way you love people, the zest you have for life, your incredible ability to learn, thrive & go beyond what I expect for an almost 4 year old never ceases to amaze me. The heart within you, your capacity to love with such sincerity & tenderness, your loyalty, honesty & determination in so many areas of life are all such a gift. I love you, Bug. Thank you for being such a joy, such a delight. Thank you for being an amazing big sister & wonderful daughter. I love you immensely.

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Cora Kinsey. My littlest that will not be so for that much longer. You, darling, are a gift! You are my miracle! You represent life & the testimony of God’s grace in our lives each & every day. I am so grateful for you! The little girl you are turning into is astounding! The new things you are learning each day, the new words that come out of your mouth, the brain that is clearly engaged & learning at such a high rate is so beautiful to behold. I remember your sister in this same stage in life & you two are both so smart it is wonderful! I love watching you use your imagination with Eliana, I love hearing your play by yourself, read, imagine & talk. You are tender, fierce, driven & such a good helper. You love so well! You are sweet & so full of life! Dada & I love watching you grow. The joy you bring to all of us is immeasurable. I am excited to see you not only as a little sister, but also as a big sissy come June. You are nurturing & I know that you will love being a sister to a new baby. I love who you are, all of the different facets of your personality & giftings, I love you Peanut, to the moon & back & over & over again.

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You are my girls. I have loved this season of life with you & I am looking forward to a new season right around the corner with another little one in our lives, but I am grateful for this special time with just you two. The companionship, the sisterhood you two share is beautiful. I have felt often in this past year that we are a wee bit like the 3 musketeers; getting to adventure, imagine, play, learn & be together each & every day. I am thankful for all of the vibrance you bring into my days, the way you make my heart explode over & over again. Getting to “do” life with you is a gift. I just love you both, so much, sweet girls. I hope today & always you know deep down how incredible you are & how much you are loved.

With all my heart,

Your Mama.