“We cannot direct the wind but we can adjust the sails.” – Anonymous

Last week I went in for a check up at Stanford. It was my 4 year check up & for weeks leading up to it, almost every day, I would find myself placing my hand over my beating heart in my cancer free chest, whispering throughout the day, “THANK YOU FOR HEALING ME”, as I would stop & remember that time marker I was approaching.

Here’s the thing. Life IS fleeting.

And yet, even someone like me, who is only 4 years (which is very short in the grand scheme of things) into my recovery from a very life-threatening experience, has gradually forgotten on a daily basis to be THANKFUL for my health-filled life. To remember the HEALING that has me here today, with 2 beautiful daughters & NO CANCER in my body. To look at myself in the mirror & notice my scars from the experience that have just somehow become a natural part of me. To really notice how long my hair is & that I have eyelashes! All of those things remind me of the BIG picture that I. AM. HEALED. I am a SURVIVOR. Cancer sucks & I kicked its butt. Boo-yaw.  Celebrating that reality, choosing to think back on that season of life & all of the suffering & crazy beauty that it was filled with, is really important. I NEED TO REMEMBER. I need to not let that season just disappear into the haziness of my memory. I want to put my hand over my beating heart every single day & reiterate my gratefulness for its ability to pump blood through my veins because I was healed. Because I was healed on this side of heaven, I want to make my life worth it. I want to make my life worthy of that GIFT. Thank you Jesus for healing me!!

“Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.” – Winston Churchill

“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

I forget so often as the days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months, months turn into years, how amazing the gift of life is. And not just life in general, but all of those tiny moments each day, all the moments where my heart is beating. I feel like I say it all the time to myself, to Noah, to whoever, but I really do want to live a life FULL to the brim & overflowing with goodness. That can be found in all forms. I look back at that season of cancer & it was full of both suffering & goodness. It was SO RICH. I want to consciously choose being alive every single day. I want my whole life to be rich! I think part of that has to do with simply choosing to be intentionally aware of what my every day life is full of. Let all of my senses experience each moment. To put my hand on my chest & breathe. To chase my toddler around the house & attack her with kisses. To snuggle my wee one up in the dead of night & feel her sweet breath on my cheek. To hug Noah tighter, dance a little longer in the kitchen. To acknowledge the truth that life will always be made up of both “highs” & lows. But together all of those moments create something really beautiful, really messy, really colorful, really good.

Life is fleeting whether you have cancer or not.

I want to be present every day. I want to get absolutely ALL that I can out of every day that I get to be on this earth, surrounded by the people I love. And right here, right now, I am choosing to be GRATEFUL for my life. For my healed body. For my soul that is free. For the people I love, a roof over my head, food on the table. For the beauty in nature that sings around me, for the breath in my lungs, for the arms that hold me. I am grateful for TODAY.

Suck it cancer.

 

Cheers,

Katie.